Monday night the Barnes and Noble in Union Square played host to David Sedaris, who read from his new book, Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk, short fictions about animals. Sedaris also read from his diary, told some jokes, listened to some jokes, and took questions from an ecstatic audience.

I am positively certain that Mr. Sedaris would provide a much more engaging and comic resumé of the night’s events, so I’m going to give it to you in the most boring manner possible, a list.

1. David Sedaris has been working on Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk for seven years. Seven years ago a friend gave him an audio recording of some South African folk tales. Mr. Sedaris was certain he could write better ones.

2. David Sedaris enjoys gruesome animal violence. In one of his newest stories a unicorn’s horn is gnawed off by a bunny.

3. David Sedaris is trying out the sweater vest as a look. It’s not going so well. Mr. Sedaris was recently stopped at airport security and forced to remove his sweater vest.

4. David Sedaris has a friend in Amsterdam named Pauline. A bird once pooped in her mouth while she was riding on the back of motorbike. She later broke up with the man driving.

5. David Sedaris nearly purchased a home in Sussex called Faggot-Stacks, which sat between two estates incorporating the words “cocks” and “titties.” Mr. Sedaris chose not to purchase the property because “it was on a busy street.”
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