Monday night the Barnes and Noble in Union Square played host to David Sedaris, who read from his new book, Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk, short fictions about animals. Sedaris also read from his diary, told some jokes, listened to some jokes, and took questions from an ecstatic audience.

I am positively certain that Mr. Sedaris would provide a much more engaging and comic resumé of the night’s events, so I’m going to give it to you in the most boring manner possible, a list.

1. David Sedaris has been working on Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk for seven years. Seven years ago a friend gave him an audio recording of some South African folk tales. Mr. Sedaris was certain he could write better ones.

2. David Sedaris enjoys gruesome animal violence. In one of his newest stories a unicorn’s horn is gnawed off by a bunny.

3. David Sedaris is trying out the sweater vest as a look. It’s not going so well. Mr. Sedaris was recently stopped at airport security and forced to remove his sweater vest.

4. David Sedaris has a friend in Amsterdam named Pauline. A bird once pooped in her mouth while she was riding on the back of motorbike. She later broke up with the man driving.

5. David Sedaris nearly purchased a home in Sussex called Faggot-Stacks, which sat between two estates incorporating the words “cocks” and “titties.” Mr. Sedaris chose not to purchase the property because “it was on a busy street.”

6. David Sedaris really likes to hear Elaine Stritch read. Ms. Stritch reads on the audio recording of Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk which Mr. Sedaris attempted to play by placing his earbuds on the microphone. It only kind of worked.

6. Here’s a joke David Sedaris heard: What’s the worst thing you can hear when your giving Willie Nelson a blowjob? I’m not Willie Nelson.

8. David Sedaris told lots of other jokes not about blowjobs, but I only remember that one.

9. David Sedaris likes when people tell him jokes while he signs their books. This probably helps him stay cheery, since he promises to sign the book of everyone who shows up, usually keeping the Barnes and Noble open until 2am. He’s currently seeking ethnic jokes from all cultures, Asian and Mexican in particular, since Mr. Sedaris feels you can only tell ethnic jokes if you have one for every ethnicity.

10. David Sedaris recommends the book Everything Ravaged, Everything Burned by Wells Tower because he finds it extremely good. One of his favorite parts is where the author describes a sea creature as “the turd of someone who had been eating rubies.”

BONUS: For more David Sedaris, check out his interview on The Daily Show from Thursday November 4th, also featuring Ira Glass in a special cameo appearance.

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