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Let me start out by letting you know I’ve changed my sleeping habits this week in an effort to stimulate better writing. For most of the semester I’ve been operating under a 1 pm – 6 am waking schedule. This was fine, up until the daylight savings switch- 4 hours of sunlight a day does not work. Now I have rigged my alarm so I wake up at 5:30 am and fall asleep at a much more reasonable midnight.

I’ve always heard that writing directly after awakening is the way to do it, and naturally, I assumed this was bullshit invented by some old fart who can’t wake up after 8 am because of their arthritic bowel. It turns out that this is not bullshit. My internal critic is nice and quiet, and only gives me necessary advice on grammar. I can take my time and don’t feel pressured to impress anyone, since everyone else is asleep, and I can always delete what I’ve written before they wake up (take that!)

Anyways, this new temporal space I’ve inhabited for the past week has given me some new insights into New York City:

1. There is no one in the West Village before 11 am, save for one Chinese woman who feeds the pigeons on 7th avenue.

2. There are lots of old women who walk alone with wobbly legs. They putz around with those little wire land-carts for support. Often I wonder why there are so many lonely old women in New York City. I’m assuming their husbands died before they got the chance to. It must be a depressing life, especially in a city full of so many young, spry little bastards like myself running around.

3. Kimmel is completely empty, and has amazing pastries and donuts before like 9 am.

Ok, so I guess these are the only three things I’ve learned while waking up early. So to fill up the rest of the post, I’m going to plug in famous first lines into Google Translate.

Lolita (English To Turkish To Basque To English)

Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. –> Lolita, my life, light my fire back.

Ulysses  (English To Arabic To Finnish To Chinese To English)
Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. –> Stately plump Bokemuli roots, and became the first peaceful, foam bowls, more than a mirror, the barbed wire and.
The Sound and the Fury (English To Arabic To Chinese To English [weirdly enough this managed to keep most of its meaning.])
Through the fence, between the curling flower spaces, I could see them hitting. –> The fence, between the curling flower spaces, I can not see them beating.
Okay, it seems as if Google has fine tuned it’s algorithm since the last time I tried this- these are not as ridiculous as I had expected. Comment if you get any good ones!
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