In our newest column, our Copy Editor Carliann Rittman writes blog posts based on her Internet search history. It features everything from Wikipedia to The New York Times, from WebMD to Billboard’s Year-End Hot 100 Singles From The Year Simone de Beauvoir Died (a Google search she is still proud of). Ray Bradbury once said of his inspirations: “A conglomerate heap of trash, that’s what I am. But it burns with a high flame.” Welcome to Search History.

 

Carrie

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

Plot[edit]

It matters that “Carrie’s” real name is Carietta. It must. It also matters that her mother is “widowed.” It also matters that Carrie is introduced before her mother. You might otherwise get confused as to who the main character is. Its Carrie. Carietta. Etta. Ette. As an English suffix, –ette, forms diminutives (kitchenette; novelette; sermonette), distinctively feminine nouns.

 

I am putting this here because it might not be obvious otherwise. The Widowed Mother is Christian. But, like, very Christian. Christian enough that repeated threats of damnation are worse and more primary than physical abuse.

 

And speaking of physical abuse and damnation, one day, Carrie gets her period. Its while she’s showering, though, because otherwise that might be gross and at least she’s in a semi sanitary environment. No one talks about what Carrie looks like except for blood or that really popular and chic image of Sissy Spacek in the silk dress on prom (prom!) (again, covered in blood) so I’m not going to either because really she’s just frumpy and not noticeable even though you’re meant to notice pretty much only her.

 

Essentially stupidity and oblivion flow out of her more dramatically than anything else you can imagine, stupid girl, and then really ironically at the same time a bunch of weird shit starts happening like light bulbs (!) start breaking and an outset of blood equals an onset of power (ooh, interesting, yeah?) and she realizes not only can she bleed but she’s also telepathic.

 

Also please remember this is coming from Wikipedia which doesn’t have a gender so that perspective as to the story is being told by really doesn’t matter, it’s you and it’s me (speaking of which, donate here!).

 

I mean really, there’s more, but is there? There is an invisible explanation of the rest of the plot above but it’s invisible because you’d likely have skipped it anyways plus haven’t you heard it before? Something about a prom and a popular girl and a date as a joke and rape and young death and infamous horror, also this book originally came out in 1974, you know that right, the fact that you’re on this page might do weird things to your google ad optimization but I know, Let it bleed, it’s like they said like Courtney Love got tattooed on her that’s what it all comes down to right let it bleed. She bleeds all over you and all over me and all over all of us and now here we all are, covered in pig’s blood, dead and wishing someone had just taught her mom that God isn’t real and taught Carrie what a period is.

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