You let the record needle
fall and so the matilija
poppies bloom everywhere they look
like giant fried eggs and
I walk past the Blue
Motel and feel like I
am about to do something
really awful it is true
I am and I remember
you, nose and lip bleeding
from a dog bite and
I remember your father, palm
filled with a Van Morrison cd.
You play one song on
stereo then switch to the
Powerball radio stream and I
get my eyes dilated and
the optometrist shows me what
my retina looks like and
says “the more colorful the
retina the worse the eyesight”
“what colors can the retina
be?” “orange and red and black
and yellow” “and so it
makes you sad to see
a beautiful retina?” “yes” and
we spoon Cholula into tortilla
soup and you say “I
can play Satisfaction on my
dad’s guitar” and then pull
randomly at strings and I
know that I am being
selfish but that is just
how it is and our
clothes are so heavy by
now and my knees go
yellow and blue and the
police shine flashlights into your
black car and I am
very calm because I do
not care what they do
to me or us now.